its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
