I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
