i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
