i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
