maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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