Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Come see our sink grown plant.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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