He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
