this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
