I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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