he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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