Someone shit on the floor
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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