is your mom at the bar?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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