I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do herpes really smell.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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