Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
