My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
