Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
