i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
