she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
