I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
