I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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