you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
