he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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