Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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