Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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