apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
