Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
