My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
