i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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