"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
