i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
