Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
