Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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