Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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