he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The power of my boobs compel you
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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