yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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