That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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