I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
