I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
