Just cropdusted the office
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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