My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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