margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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