whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
