The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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