stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
