She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
how drunk are you?
Several
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
try to milk me bitch
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
