Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
