Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
