he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
