Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
