you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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