I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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