Need sex. Gaining weight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
