he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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