I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
As shirtless as possible
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
