The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
